"Hi, Honey; I'm home! Guess what happened at work today? I was offered a job in Belgium. "

Those words, or something like them, are familiar to all of us here today. Modem times being what they are, and with greater equality of sexes nowadays, two-career couples aren't unique by any stretch of imagination and it should not come as a surprise that those words were uttered by my wife. But I was surprised nonetheless.

Every one of us must have an exceptional mate for them to have been entrusted with the responsibility and opportunity of an overseas assignment. I knew when I married Jane that I had chosen an exceptional mate ( or had she chosen me), but when she came home one day and announced that she had been offered a secondment to Belgium, I was more than a little shocked and at first only saw the implied upset of my own career as a consequence of her statement. Upon further reflection, however, I saw the wisdom in Jane accepting the offer and was glad for her good fortune and excited about the possibilities that lay ahead of us. In marriages like this, there are inevitably times when compromise is necessary and one career or another will be put on hold. Besides, there was a certain poetic justice to it.

Jane's new opportunity could, after all, be considered yet another phase of the adage of turnabout being fair play. A long time ago, she had put her career on hold to marry me and move to a faraway place full of strangers. In time she found gainful employment there which led to this career opportunity. This was essentially a reversal of roles, and it was my turn to take a break. I applied for, and received, a leave of absence from my position. Because of the difficulties involved in obtaining a second work permit in Belgium, I reluctantly (at first) opted to be a house husband during this assignment.

What is it like to be a house husband in Belgium? I'd imagine it's a lot like being a housewife who left her career behind. I am adapting to a new role in a completely different environment. The role is a significant change from co-breadwinner to that of support. Life as an expatriate house husband contains challenges as well as benefits because it represents more than a change of role. It also requires adaptation to a different culture and a different language (or two).

CHALLENGES

Everyday life is occupied with the challenge of negotiating one's way through the supermarket, cooking, the standard range of household chores and dealing with the bureaucracy. I imagine everyone has come to the realization that shopping is more difficult and time consuming when the products are advertised in French and Flemish. Thank goodness most of the products also have pictures on them. The only real difficulty I had was when I tried to select a cut of meat from a display, and had to write the name of the cut on an order form. I apparently had associated the wrong collection of vowels and consonants on the card next to the meat, because when I returned home, I learned that I had purchased a kilogram of kidneys rather than chuck roast!

Another challenge has to do with interpreting those "universal symbols" used so widely in Europe. While I had successfully (albeit sporadically) washed clothes in the United States, I was overwhelmed by the number of symbols which were supposed to communicate the water temperature, type of washing detergent, wash and drying cycles. I was assaulted by a similar sensation when I tried driving through the crowded streets of Brussels for the first time. Just what were the traffic officials trying to tell me when they posted a triangle with an exclamation point inside it? At first I handled both challenges in the same resolute manner ... I punted and hoped for the best. Fortunately I didn't shrink the underwear and I only scared the oncoming traffic by driving the wrong way down a one-way street. Later, I resolved to find some reference books to learn some of the finer points I was missing.

Belgium's fascination with paperwork is something which has provided other tasks to occupy some of my time. I have been to the lion's lair and survived the challenge of retrieving a package from the Brussels Custom Office. Another interesting exercise was registering with our Commune and attempting to obtain a Belgian Driver's License. I imagine part of the difficulty in dealing with the officials is in my inability to communicate with them effectively.

Have you ever wondered what it is like to be illiterate? Well, living in a foreign country is a good way to experience the sensation. Aside from the three years of high school French I have been relying on, I don't have a clue as to what the newspapers say. To complicate matters, we live in a Flemish section of the country, and any announcements we receive from the Commune are even less comprehensible. Actually illiterate people are better off than I am because they are able to use their verbal skills to communicate. The inability to make requests for simple objects, much less discuss matters of consequence, gives one a sense of isolation. I have resolved to deal with this problem too.

BENEFITS

There is, however, a lot to compensate for the challenges presented in this new environment. I have immensely enjoyed taking day trips with either Jane or friends who are visiting to tour Brussels, and nearby cities. The sense of history here is so pervasive, and the architecture so beautiful. We have also made several weekend journeys to neighboring countries. In addition, I have taken the opportunity to read the backlog of books, both personal and professional, that I had never found the time to read when I was working full-time. Furthermore, I have been sharpening my professional skills by learning to operate new computer programs that will be useful in the office when I return.

I have found it especially important to talk with Jane and learn about her assignment as much as I can. Since her job is a new technical assignment, I am able to learn something new, and can even provide feedback to her which has been helpful to her project. Besides, it is one of the few occasions every day that I have to engage in conversation of any depth and exercise my vocal chords!

I consider this oversea adventure something significant enough to share with friends and loved ones back home, so I am mailing home a biweekly newsletter to family, friends and coworkers which keeps them informed of our activities while we are here and perhaps entice some of them to visit during one of their holidays.

After finally realizing that I couldn't reasonably expect everyone in Europe to understand English, I brushed off my old French books and started playing and studying the French and Dutch (closest thing I could find to Flemish) language instructional tapes.

To keep my hand in professionally, I've attended some talks on environmental issues in Belgium and am volunteering time to help with environmental concerns.

This has also been a great opportunity for me to develop a regimen of exercise to get back into shape and to balance the mental activity with some physical activity. I have been riding my bicycle and getting a close-up perspective on the countryside.

THINGS TO DO TO MAKE IT BETTER

Through trial and error, some reading, and discussions with my mate, I have hit upon a strategy for dealing with my career change and adapting to a new life in a new country. While a test population of one hardly constitutes a statistically significant cross section, I may have stumbled onto a few Universal Truths which could be applicable to men and women alike, so I'd like to share them with you.

• Anyone who accompanies a mate on an overseas assignment should expect to undergo a period of adaptation. To some, myself included, work is a significant part of one's sense of identity. Some time is necessary to come to terms with what can be perceived as the loss of one's job, one's network of friends and professional associates and, to some greater or lesser degree, their raison d'etre. While it is important to allow time to recognize those feelings, it is equally important to talk them over with your mate, or others who may be going through a similar experience at the same time. Once you understand those feelings, do something similar to what you did at work to give back to yourself a sense of direction. Develop new, perhaps even more exciting goals and objectives while overseas. This is a great chance to do things you had always wanted to do but never could find the time to devote to them before!
• Find an organization or enroll in a course which gives you a toehold in adapting to the new circumstances you find yourself in. I am deeply indebted to the American Women's Club of Brussels for allowing me to attend their invaluable Hints for Living in Belgium course. As the first man to enroll in the course, I must say that the atmosphere was relaxed and welcoming, and that the subject matter for the most part is required information for new arrivals to the country of both sexes. In the course, I even learned the meaning of those washing and driving symbols that had confused me that first week I was here!
• If you have left a job to embark on this new experience, spend some of your time keeping updated with recent developments in your trade by reading trade journals and reference books. Develop new skills which will make you more marketable by taking courses or doing independent study. Use your current skills and meet people and make new friends by volunteering your services to groups which do things that are of interest to you.
• Keep in touch with friends, relatives and business contacts. You haven't dropped off the face of the earth and they are probably green with envy that you have this adventurous opportunity. Maybe you can even get them to break out of their pattern long enough to visit and share the experience too.
• Study a foreign language and overcome the barrier which isolates you from communicating with so many interesting potential friends.
• Take an active interest in what your mate's new assignment, and keep them informed of what you are doing. The mutual support is important and the communication can yield new ideas of things to do.
• Balance the new mental activity with some physical activity. Pick up a new hobby that gets you outside among the living.
• Roll with the punches, and keep a positive perspective!

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